Off, Off Damn Phone!

Author’s note:

So the CBC is holding a writing challenge  they are calling “The Shakespearing Selfie Challenge”  I liked the concept but  once I got to it my piece ended up way over the word limit for the challenge. So instead of submitting to the contest I figured I would post it here and see what all of you think. I hope you enjoy it!

Off, Off Damn Phone!

I’ve come to the Doctor because my head’s not quite right,
Only to be greeted by modern life’s great it’s woe…
“Cell phones off please. “ The sign says all aglow.
Just then my phone buzzes though to prove my thought,
If I turn off my phone how many messages will be got?
A friend could lay dying and send me a pic,
Their life in my hands, maybe I will stay sick.
I check on message, just my mom’s latest rumble,
Her phone’s still T9 and her message is all a jumble.
“Luck, liver onions, at tea Doorer my beer”
What could that even mean? T9 was quite Queer.
My finger on the off switch, I take a deep breath.
It’s, okay. I think… But it’s a type of death.
For an hour or two, no one will know where I am!
No text from me and surely the world would be in a Jam!
My head starts to spin, as my ringtone comes on,
A call from my dad, *ignore* that would be a yawn.
I’m not picking up to hear about the time he when fishing,
There are many other stories I’d rather be dishing.
Maybe if I turn my phone on silent and check it in stealth?
They won’t be the wiser while looking after my health.
I flick the switch and I pass through the door.
Then the vibrating comes, all been here before.
“Off, off Damn phone!” I think to myself,
While the other patients stare and think “I bet she’s happy with herself”
“Sorry” I mutter, as the phone keeps on ringing.
I pull out the phone with the vibrator still singing.
Dad calling again, great now what does he want?
I’ll just turn off my phone, maybe he’s just in a slump.
It’s never important when he tries to call,
It can go to voicemail, I’ll check it later in the hall.
With everyone watching I hold down the off button.
As a call then starts to come in from my dearest husband.
But that one’s important! I quick back out the door,
With an apologetic look to all those on this floor.
“What is it my dear?” my voice starts to sing,
“Oh just wanted to be sure you’re at tonight’s thing?”
What thing is he talking about? I think to myself.
“Oh right, that dinner with Duncan right?”
“No dear he’s dead! Your witch of a sister is coming instead!”
“Oh… yeah right… I’ll be there by five.”
“You better be coming dear, dead or alive.”

With that the call ends and I shut my phone off.
That’s odd… Why’d he say that… something must be wrong.
I hold the off button down for, real this time.
I enter the room, all is going to be fine!
“I’m here to see the doctor” I say with a grin.
“What time?”
“At quarter to nine.”
“We’ll let you right in”
Just then a sound comes out of my purse,
A song most embarrassing I turn with a curse.
“Off off damn phone” I say to myself.
“I swore it was off!” I tell everyone else.
They’re all looking at me like I have three heads,
When I pull the phone out the screen is dead.
That’s odd… I thought it rung, I guess I’m making things up.
“Are you coming Mrs. Macbeth?”
“Yes”
“While all right then let’s go.”
I head in to the doctors my thoughts all like “wow”
Maybe I do need this visit more than one would think.
Duncan’s death was so trying. I was at the brink.
Then yet again I feel my phone buzzing!
“Turn off you damn thing” I shout all but cussing.

“Excuse me?” The nurse turns around with a stare?
“Not you dear, my phone, Don’t want it buzzing in there”

“It you like I could take it off your hands for a while”

“No I’ll be okay,” I say crushing her smile.
I pull out my phone, again it seems to be off.
“On second thought dear. Could you help me? Now don’t scoff,
I swore it was off but it rung a second ago.
Can you make sure it is? Tech. can be my greatest woe”

She punched a few buttons and turned the phone round,
In back no battery was to be found.

“How could it be on Mrs? Plus I didn’t hear it ring.”

“Oh, I suppose you are right” What is with this thing?
She left me all seated in the next room we found.
And scurried off to find the doctor as I turned around.
Again there was a buzzing coming from my purse.
But that phone couldn’t be ringing. This is the worst.
Still I stoop to check, hold my breath as I may.
If anyone sees this they’ll put me away.
The screen was still off. But something odd happened,
As I held it in my hand it seemed for vibrate again.
“Off, off damn phone!” I screamed and flung it at the wall,
I can’t believe this, this is far from a ball.
I just be going crazy, or worse completely mad.
Did those calls even come in from my Husband and dad?
Again I vibrating sound come from over by the wall.
“Off, off damn phone” I yelled out.
“She’s crazy” Came from down the hall.

I must leave this place. I must run out the door.

I must get myself of off this psychiatric floor!